Contentment and happiness have nothing to do with what happens to us and around us. It’s an ‘inside’ job.

We often believe that accomplishments or material gain is the road to happiness.

Nothing is further from the truth.

People tend to think that they need to change something in their life to be happier, or buy something like a bigger house, a new car, a better job, a different partner, this or that outfit, pair of shoes or bag, etc. When we accomplish one of those goals, there is a moment of satisfaction, but it is always fleeting, it never lasts. After the new car, we want a nicer or faster car, after the bigger house, we want yet a bigger house or a better neighborhood, and so it goes on an on. The moments of accomplishing our goals are great but never last long and them we are unsatisfied, unhappy and stuck in desiring again.

Genuine happiness has nothing to do do with those things, nothing material, even the perfect partner, or the perfect job (if there even is such a thing) will provide lasting contentment and happiness. That only comes from the inside. It is about how we approach life, how we deal with stress and adversity and more important, how we deal with the good things in life.

Good things happen all the time, a breathtaking sunset, the smell and taste of that perfect cup of coffee or tea in the morning, looking over at the unbelievable cuteness of our sleeping child or dog, the way it feels when someone says something nice, supportive or pays us a compliment, the comfi bed we sink into at the end of a long day. We can also create good experiences like cooking a good meal, complimenting someone, going for a walk, etc. Most of us only give to those experiences a split second of attention, if we notice them at all. To make a lasting difference we need to do more with those good experiences. The first step is of course to recognize them and when we do, the second step is to really give them time and attention, to marinate in them, to really soak them up, to feel them in our body, to allow them to change our wiring, our neurons. That takes time and a little effort, but the rewards are huge. It extinguishes the damage from past stress and strengthens us so we are more resilient to future stress. One of my meditation teachers describes how she stops and says “THIS IS IT ! This is as good as it is every going to get”, when she is enjoying a walk with her husband, or is experiencing – really experiencing – any of the above examples of good in our lives – “this is the moment you’ve been waiting for, you’ve been working towards”. Because this is what being in the moment is like. When I grieve the loss of a dog, those simple moments of watching them sleep or petting them is what I miss the most and want back. It’s easy to recognize that after the fact, but what gives us true happiness is to realize the preciousness of those moments while they are happening and to appreciate how many of them there are and how much more powerful they are that all the negative happening to us and around us. That does not mean that you gaslight yourself. The negative is real, it is there and it is part of life. But it is not the only thing. The positive is there to help us face the challenges, heal the injuries and steel us for the future.